5 Ways to Pick a Mystery Writer Out in a Crowd

By J.A. (Julie) Kazimer

In honor of mystery writer friend, Shannon Baker's winning Writer of the Year for RMFW I've decided to offer some helpful tips to those needing a little help picking out a mystery writer when in a crowded room. This will be helpful in September during the Colorado Gold Conference, so take note!

5)  See that woman with the grey hair? Yep. She's a mystery writer. In fact, most mystery writers I know are older women same as mystery readers. The bloodier the better for this blood-thirsty lot. That's why we love them (and yes, I am one of them, I just use a lot of hair dye and lye to get rid of the bodies).

4)  See that guy twirling the end of his mustache? Nope, not a writer, just a serial killer, but if you look directly behind him to the woman unabashedly taking notes on his every move, yep, mystery writer.

3)  Ink and often blood stained hands.

2)  Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just glad to see me? A mystery writer will answer gun 98 out of 100 times. The other two times the answer is rope and penis.

1)  Any guy driving a Magnum PI car and wearing Hawaiian shirts outside Hawaii (Mario Acevedo and Tim Dorsey come to mind).

You're welcome.

Any other ways you know of to determine if you have a mystery writer in your midst?

J.A. (Julie) Kazimer on Email
J.A. (Julie) Kazimer

J.A. (Julie) Kazimer is a writer living in Denver, CO. When she isn’t looking for a place to hide the bodies, she spends her time with a pup named Killer. Other hobbies include murdering houseplants. She spent a few years as a bartender and then wasted another few years stalking people while working as a private investigator before transitioning to the moniker of WRITER and penning over 15 titles. Visit her website at jakazimer.com.

11 thoughts on “5 Ways to Pick a Mystery Writer Out in a Crowd

  1. Grey hair? You talking about me? LOL Here’s another one: When you see a writer smile and nod at someone who’s just been rude, it’s because she’s a mystery writer deciding how to kill that someone in her next novel.

  2. Mystery writers like to go to places like dumps, swamps, and darkened alleys. They’re always searching for the next great body dumping ground. And oh, yeah, I’m with you on the die and the lye. Great post, Julie! 🙂

    • I have a body dump rule, after years of research, the best place to dump is 10 – 100 feet from the side of a road. Too many times a body is found when someone pulls off to pee.

  3. And whenever a mystery author enters a room/house, she’s looking for 1) who in the area would be the most likely killer (and thus the accused), 2) who would be the least likely killer (and thus the one who really ‘done it’), and 3) the best place to stash a body.

  4. The mystery writer is the one who gets hauled away by Homeland Security due to suspicious internet searches beginning with “How do I…” and ending with dispose of a body, blow up a car, or use a poison the coroner won’t discover. Fun post, J. A.! And congrats to Shannon!

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