Author Archives: Julie Kazimer

About Julie Kazimer

J.A. (Julie) Kazimer is a writer living in Denver, CO. Books include The Junkie Tales, The Body Dwellers, CURSES! A F***ed-Up Fairy Tale, Holy Socks & Dirtier Demons, Dope Sick: A Love Story, SHANK, Froggy Style: A F***ed Up Fairy Tale, The Assassin's Heart, and The Fairyland Murders: A Deadly Ever After Mystery. Forthcoming novels include, The Assassin's Kiss.

Would’ve Been Kinder to Stab Me in the I: How Harper Lee Ruined My Life

J.A. (Julie) Kazimer

They say, Never Meet Your Writerly Heroes. I can see why. Writers are very much human, as in INCREDBILIBY flawed individuals. I mean, have you met me?

Then again, I’ve had the privilege of meeting three of my all time writerly crushes. In all three cases (Christopher Moore, Tim Dorsey & Robert Crais) they were perfectly lovely people. Not a one got drunk and tried to slip me the tongue (as opposed to a great storpicy a friend of mine has about a certain, now dead, author named Hunter and a wild night in Boulder, CO). Much to my chagrin I might add, but that’s a post for another time, and probably another blog – Fifty Shades of Crap You Don’t Want to Know about Me.

What I wanted to discuss today, is Harper Lee and Go Set a Watchman. Yes, I am going to whine and there maybe a few spoilers (which I learned after reading the 1st chapter online so they aren’t exactly spoilers for the whole book so I don’t feel too bad about spilling some secrets).

To Kill a Mockingbird was and is my favorite book. It has been since I first read it at the not so tender age of 18. I won’t go into the whys, but to me, it’s nearly the perfect novel. What added to the mystic was the lore of Harper Lee--having written only one perfect novel, and then never having published another word. It was/is my idea of the best writing career.

For so many years she was incredibly protective of her privacy and her rights. And then Go Set a Watchmen was announced. I, like so many others, was thrilled with a squeal to Scout’s story. I imagined all the ways in which the tale would enfold, about how Scout and Jem grew up, about who they became in the wake of the events of that summer.

That excitement faded under the elderly abuse accusations and later the investigation into those charges. But I hung in, pre-ordering my copy. And days before the release, the publisher put chapter 1 online…

Are you freaking kidding me? Jem’s dead? His death gets a throw away one paragraph?

My innocence is lost.

To Kill a Mockingbird will never be the same for me again. Which is why I’m sharing that factoid with you, so your illusions are shattered too. Misery loving company and all.

Which brings me to the point of this post, as a writer, I need to make sure I never do that to my readers. I can kill off characters all I want, but I need to do it in a way that acknowledges the sacrifice of time and attention my readers have put into my books.

I am not blaming Harper Lee for killing Jem off, nor with how she did it, as I fully believe she didn’t intend this book to meet the reader’s gaze. Not really at least.

Which is my second point of this post, as a writer, you don’t fully have control over what happens after you sell as book or aren’t in control of your rights anymore. So be careful in whatever decisions you make, now and going forward, i.e., who you leave your writerly estate too.

Did you read Go Set a Watchman? If so, what did you think? If not, why not? And do you have any other examples of when a writer you love destroyed your faith in writerly humanity?

 

Now come talk smack to me on facebook, twitter or on my website.  Or better yet, leave me all of your writerly estate. I vow not to Go Set a Watchman your stuff.

J.A. Kazimer is Dead

By J.A. (Julie) Kazimer

Okay, I’m not really dead. At least I’m not as of writing this post. With my luck as soon as I type the last word I’ll choke on my own spit and expire on the spot. Therefore, you must forgive my rambling as I don’t want this post to ever end.

So back to my being dead.

Today’s post is about Nom de Plumes, which for those of you not fluent in pretension or ostentatiousness, means Pen Name. There are many stories about why an author picks a certain pen name and even more opinions on whether or not to use one.

I did. Sort of. I use J.A. Kazimer. My reasons are much like J.K. Rowling’s. Rumor has it, Joanne Rowling’s publisher decided to use the initials J.K. (the K is meaningless, not even close to her actual middle initial) to disguise the author’s gender so boys would buy the Harry Potter books.

Lame, I know, but a very real problem even in 2015.

Since I started out writing both crime fiction and fairytale humor, in a male POV, it made sense to use J.A. when my publisher asked. When I entered the romance genre my use of initials became a little cumbersome. They also do very little to hide my true (superhero-like) identity. Unlike my most favorite of Non de Plume tales.

One fish, two fish, red fish…What the hell do you mean Dr. Seuss (real name Theodor Geisel) wasn’t a doctor? Instead he was a criminal mastermind. Okay, maybe not a mastermind, but he did throw a raging party at Dartmouth, and was subsequently booted out of his position as editor-in-chief of the school’s magazine. Mind you, this was during prohibition so he not only faced the wrath of the college but he broke federal law.

To keep writing for the magazine he'd been fired from, he wrote under the name Mr. Suess, as it seemed like the most ridiculous name he could think of.

The Dr. came later. Instead of gaining his medical license or obtaining a PhD, Seuss did it the old fashioned way. He gave himself the esteemed title as a joke, since his father always wanted him to go to medical school.

Hence, from now on, I wish to be called Princess Julie.

No. I mean it. Call me Princess. Or maybe Queen…

Anyway, one other pen name tale of note: O. Henry…well the he was really a prison guard in the Ohio prison where William Sydney Porter was incarcerated for embezzlement. Why Porter picked to use Orrin Henry’s name, we will never know, but it goes to show you. Pick a pen name that you’re willing to live with (at least until you get paroled).

So let’s play a game. If you have a pen name, tell us what it is and why you picked it. If you don’t have one, what would be your ideal one? And why? Would you use the power for good or evil? I personally pick evil, but that’s just me.

Princess Julie, Queen of All Words Staring with O is out!

Crap, here comes the tidal wave of spit...

Come hangout with me on facebook or visit my website at www.jakazimer.com.

Secrets of Author Success as Told By Someone Successful (Which is Not Me or is that I?)

By J.A. (Julie) Kazimer

As writers we hear tons of advice from editors, agents, other writers and fans (plus anyone who ever hears we are writers, randomly, even in the loo).

All of this advice is wonderful. And horrible. Good and bad. It's all about how we see it, and how we react to it.

The Guardian newspaper out of London once collected 10 bits of advice from some famous authors. While I love reading this list just to see what advice Neil Gaiman has for me, it's the Irish novelist, Roddy Doyle, who struck the biggest cord. Here's a few bits of his wisdom:

1 Do not place a photograph of your ­favourite author on your desk, especially if the author is one of the famous ones who committed suicide.

Best advice I can think of. If my favorite writer can't handle the pressure, what is the future for a hack like me?

4 Do give the work a name as quickly as possible. Own it, and see it. Dickens knew Bleak House was going to be called Bleak House before he started writing it. The rest must have been easy.

I like this idea as it keeps me on track. I can always change it at a later date. It's not like the publisher is going to keep my title anyway.

5 Do restrict your browsing to a few websites a day. Don't go near the online bookies – unless it's research.

When I started out writing, I used to play online poker. I called it research. God, do I love my research.

6 Do keep a thesaurus, but in the shed at the back of the garden or behind the fridge, somewhere that demands travel or effort. Chances are the words that come into your head will do fine, eg "horse", "ran", "said".

Again, when I first started out, I thought I sounded smarter by using my thesaurus at will. Now I use it as a coffee coaster. I find it works much better.

Do, occasionally, give in to temptation. Wash the kitchen floor, hang out the washing. It's research.

God, I HATE research. I'm a writer. Why do I have to wash my clothes? Or the floor? No one's looking there.

And finally, my favorite:

10 Do spend a few minutes a day working on the cover biog – "He divides his time between Kabul and Tierra del Fuego." But then get back to work.

J.A. Kazimer lives in a small mountain community on Mars. When she's not fostering peace accords between people and Martians, she writes best selling, award winning books about how awesome she is...

Any advice you would add? Any advice you've ever taken that you'd like to share?

How to Get Away with Murder (Non-TV Show Edition)

By J.A. (Julie) Kazimer

From the title you’d guess that I was about to tell you how to murder someone. But I’m not. At least not really. This post is about reality in fiction.

No, really dear NSA (who can still read my meta data, or is that my mind thanks to the Patriot Act renewal). I’m not plotting to kill anyone.

I promise *wink, wink*

Anyway…. I recently asked my facebook writer friends, which I truly hope you are one of (if not, why not? I don’t smell that bad and I can be fun. No really. Ask anyone. If you’d like to become one, please do so at www.facebook.com/JulieAKazimer), about using a fictional fact in a story.

More to the point, I wanted to lie about something. Something insignificant but what appeared factual in this story. Basically, I planned on saying Washington DC had the third most surveillance cameras in the world. This is a lie. They’re not even close. In fact, the third most cameras belongs to…drum roll…Chicago. Not surprising with the amount of Bears there. Number two is London, and number one is Beijing in case you ever need to know, which goes back to the title. Damn, I guess I was offering advice on how to avoid a murder charge.

I was surprised by the response of my fellow writers. Many said, hey, it’s fiction so do what you want. This was my thinking at the time. But a far greater number of writers responded with, “WHAT?! ARE YOU CRAZY?” To which I said, “Maybe, but what’s your point?”

And boy did they have a point.

As a reader, I sometimes believe and then tell others ‘facts’ I read in a novel. Now I’m not talking about story ‘facts’ but little bits of research-y (yes, I just made up my own word. It’s my blog post, so there) ones like how everybody on a white, sandy beach gets their own cabaña boy.

Oh, how I long for a cabana boy.

But that’s another post for another day.

So what’s your opinion? Can I lie about the amount of cameras? Or would I be leading my flock (that’s what I’d love for all of you to start calling yourself. No. Really. That would make my year) astray? Where’s the line between fiction and reality in fiction? Or the reverse, how much fiction can you put in non-fiction or memoir?

Oh, and if you murder anyone in Chicago because of my advice, let’s just call that ‘our’ little secret.

J.A. (Julie) Kazimer lives in Denver, CO. Novels include CURSES! A F***ed-Up Fairy Tale, Holy Socks & Dirtier Demons, Dope Sick: A Love Story and FROGGY STYLE as well as the forthcoming book, The Assassin’s Heart. J.A. spent years spilling drinks as a bartender and then stalked people while working as a private investigator. For more about Julie, visit her website.

Once, Twice, Three Times a Manuscript….(Anyone Under 40 Won’t Have a Clue What Song The Title References But I’m Using it Anyway Because it’s My Title and I Can…Sing it!)

By J.A. (Julie) Kazimer

The weekend before last I was lucky enough to hang out at the Pikes Peak Writer Conference. I also did some teaching but it was more about seeing old friends and making plenty of new fabulous ones. Besides having a great time abusing whiskey, wine and food I spent some time talking with other writers about their process.

It was at this point I had an epiphany.

Or maybe you could refer to it as a drunken revelation.

Either way, this is my point-- tables have dancing naked weight limits.

No, scratch that. I had two epiphanies and a bruise on my coccus the size and shape of Texas.

Anyway....we all have such different methods and madness for our works. And each, while valid, might not be the best choice for us, like dancing on a table when you're old enough to know far better.

Here's what I mean. I'm a pantster. A REALLY BIG ONE. I sit down to write and start at page one, word one. But I can learn to be better at plotting and that could make for more words, and more books. I can learn how to be a better marketer. I can learn to write deeper characters and better description. An old dog can be taught new tricks, as long as the teacher talks real slow and plenty of cookies are involved.

Maybe I can learn these things from a class or a workshop taught from one of the amazing instructors already selected for the RMFW Conference in September. Or I can learn from the fantastic community we are a part of.

One of the interesting things I learned a few weekends ago was from a longtime RMFW member -- Mike Befeler. Mike never knows who is murderer is going to be. Right up until the end. It's a good lesson if you've ever read his work, it feels organic for the protagonist when he figures out who done it. Now I am not saying I could pull it off, but it does give me insight into his process.

I'm interested in your own process. How many revisions does it take for the finished (or as close as you can get) product? Do you know what is going to happen when you start? Do you have any advice that has helped you greatly along your path? Let's open up and share all we can together.

Or else I will get on that table!

 

The Fairyland Murders_ebook (1)J.A. (Julie) Kazimer writes books. So many books that she now has to use her toes to count them. Learn more at jakazimer.com or friend her on facebook because she's pretty lonely. You can also tweet her at @jakazimer and she'll share some gruesome stories about decaying bodies or puppies. Tweeters choice.

Also, her latest book, THE FAIRYLAND MURDERS is on sale for the low, low, how the heck am I going to afford my Rolex now, price of $1.99. I don't know how long it will be on sale as my publisher never tells me anything....So pick up a copy today. Or don't. I'm not going to beg...Okay, I will beg. Please, please--

Guest Post – Cindi Myers: Setting Fire to Dollar Bills

By Cindi Myers

Julie Kazimer’s article about her experience paying for a blog tour prompted a lot of great comments, including mine that I could write a long list of promotional efforts I’ve wasted money on over the years. This led Julie to ask me to elaborate in a blog post, so here I am.

My list of promo efforts that turned out to be money wasted – for me. YMMV.

1. Paid blog tour. Julie pretty much covered this when she shared her experience.

2. Hired a publicist. The publicist I hired worked really hard trying to get media coverage for the book she was promoting (Learning Curves). The book got a starred review from Publisher’s Weekly and was featured on the cover of PW so I figured that would help generate a little buzz, right? She sent out a boatload of press releases and managed to get the book mentioned in In Style magazine. So yes, she did her job. The problem? I spent a lot of money on these services and the book totally flopped in sales. In fact, it never earned back its modest advance.

3. Paid for giveaways at conferences. I had really adorable hot pink tape measures made to promote Learning Curves. People loved them. Did they sell more books? No. Were they expensive? Yes. Since then, I’ve done my share of postcards, magnets, pens, bookmarks, etc. When I moved last year I threw out tons of this stuff –everything from tote bags to drink Koozies that authors had spent money to have imprinted with their book info. While it’s nice to have a bookmark or business card to give someone who asks about your book, I’ve never bought a book because of a giveaway tchotchke. You can waste a ton of money on this stuff and most of it will end up in the trash soon after it is received.

4. Print ads. I’ve done ads in RT Magazine and other romance-oriented magazines, both group ads and single ads. They’re usually very pricey and as far as I could tell they had absolutely zero impact on sales.

5. Book trailers. Unless you have something really unique and share-worthy (I still remember Mario’s Lego book trailer from years ago) your average book trailer is not going to get you much attention from anyone but your friends and relatives.

So that’s my short-list of things that I feel were wastes of money and time – for me. I’d love to hear if you’ve had better results from these kinds of things. Next blog, I’ll share some promo efforts that yielded better results.

 

Cindi Myers sold her first book in 1997 and since then has had “somewhere north of 60” books published. Currently, she writes romantic suspense for Harlequin Intrigue, women’s fiction for Kensington Books, and self-publishes historical romance under the pen name Cynthia Sterling.

Never Let Them See You Sweat: Hot Chicks in Leather

By J.A. (Julie) Kazimer

According to The Wall Street Journal (my go to for all bookie news. No, really. I only look at the pictures), “On the average, a book store browser spends eight seconds looking at the front cover and 15 seconds looking at the back cover.”

What does that mean for an author?  Well, chances are if you are an urban fantasy or paranormal romance writer, your book cover will feature a chick dressed in black leather, even if your story takes place in the middle of the desert.

Don’t get me wrong. Like any girl I love tight black leather and heels. I often spend my nights dressed in the form fitting stuff and carrying extremely heavy weapons halfway tucked in my pants.

What girl doesn’t?

And we're not even discussing how one washes black leather catsuits. A secret only a dry cleaner knows.

But I digress (something I seem to do a lot around you people), my point is do these dark, sexy covers do more harm than good for authors and readers alike.

As a reader have you ever hid the cover of the book you were currently enjoying?

Ever felt ashamed of a book because of the hot chick in leather on the cover or the muscle bound hunk smeared in oil (baby not olive, I assume)?

Or have you ever picked up a book strictly because of the hot chick on the cover? Did the tale live up to the artwork?

Authors complain a lot about their covers, from little things like my main character has red hair and the woman on the cover is a blonde, to a publisher actually changing the race of the character on a cover in order to sell books to a wider demographic, a disgusting practice, but one done more often than we know.

So my question to you, my writer/readers is, do hot chicks in leather sell books? And what are some of your cover art experiences, both good and bad?

 

Want a free ebook? Visit me at jakazimer.com. Want to send me graphic pics and talk trash on social media? Friend me on Facebook or tweet me on twitter.  Please. Pretty please.

When Life Gets in the Way

By J.A. (Julie) Kazimer

Ever heard the saying, When Life Gives You Lemons?

I’m sure sick of the bite of lemonade right now. Since January, and my stupid New Years’ resolution to write daily, the most I’ve written is 500 words and that was in the cafeteria of a hospital. My dad has been having some serious heart issues, and we’ve been in and out of hospitals for what seems like an eternity though it’s really only two months.

This isn’t a poor me post, though it probably sounds a lot like one (for which I apologize), so please read on as I do have a writerly point.

It’s hard to write when everything in your life is crazy. It’s also hard to write when everything is going as smooth as gravy (weirdly whenever I make gravy it comes out in clumps). It’s especially hard to write when you’ve in the throes of new love, like, or lust.

Okay, it’s hard to write is my point.

Anyway, even when it seems like an impossible task (like when I have an end of April deadline for my next book to be at the publisher) writing can be just what the doctor ordered, right after he orders a bunch of Xanax.

To lose yourself in your work is a healthy way of coping or so I’ve heard. So taking my own advice, I’m going to go write 2,000 words right now.

I’d love to know how you cope when life gives you lemons. Do you write more or less? How do you manage the real world and your isolated writerly one?

The Road to Accomplishing Your Goals

By J.A. (Julie) Kazimer

Even if you are firmly entrenched in one path to publication like traditional publishing, you won't find your journey is a straight line. Even those writers who sell their first book to the very first editor their agent approaches, often look back on the way they became an author and are surprised at how winding the road was.

Which makes this the best time in history to be a writer. The options to becoming a writer are immense, as are the ways to publication. My advice, never judge your own journey by that of another. Compare it, sure. Use it, definitely.  But avoid judging your progress by someone else's, especially since the roadblocks and detours you face are very different, as are your writing, your goals, and your needs.

So let's talk a little about those detours and ways in which you can become an author, other than or within traditional publishing or self-publishing, that you might not have thought about.

I'm going to begin with a story about my own path to becoming an author and how different it was from what I expected, which was...I had no clue. I just knew I wanted to see my book at Barnes & Noble. I was naive to the publishing game.

Boy have I learned a lot since my first conference in 2007.

Only 10 books ago (or for those who count in years, 8 of those suckers), which feels like a lifetime ago, I first started to consider a career as a writer.

And why not? I had one brand new spanking, shiny manuscript under my belt and was pretty sure it would be a book by Christmas that year. This was in June, mind you. I was deluded, so sure that publishing was a one step process. Lucky for me, this was also a time when indie or self-publishing was looked at like one does a fan of Dan Brown.

If self-publishing would've been an option like it is today, I would've jumped on it after my 300th rejection email appeared in my inbox. Sadly I had to wait another 700 rejection letters (or 3 years in regular people counting) for my first book to be sold, by me at a RMFW conference.

The thing was, I had an agent. And this wasn't the first book I'd tried to sell. This was the 5th book I'd written. I'd paid my dues (at least I thought I had). I'd done everything I was supposed to do on the traditional publishing linear path. Which went something like, write great book, get agent, sell book to big six publishing house. I'd gotten an agent. I'd suffered through editorial boards. And yet, I hadn't sold a book.

And now I had. By myself.

Of course the agent was very helpful come contract time but that's another horror story and we don't have time for me to break down in tears.

But you see my point, there are more ways than that one straight line for traditional publishing. Think about the authors you know. How many of them fit into the linear path? Maybe one or two. So on the traditional publishing path, we have agent/editor/book, and we can add editor/book. Many houses, with the exception of most of the Big 5 publishers, do accept unagented queries.

You could also smack talk your way to a book deal as social media explodes around us. I know plenty of bloggers who now have book deals because of the platform they built on their blogs. I bet you know of one too. Anyone every heard of Orange is the New Black? Well, the writer, Piper Chapmen, was a blogger who sold her story as a book and then later as the award winning Netflix show.

Which brings me to yet another path, do a sex tape... Pam Anderson of the famed Tommy Lee sex tape published a book in 2004.

Now I'm not saying that's your best bet, mind you...

But celebrity does help.

Okay, let's move on to networking your way to the top. Making friends can get you a book deal. I've seen it happen. Writers become friends with agents or editors, the writer writes a damn good book, and gets it in front of her friends. They love it and already know they love him or her, and the writer is now an author.

Don't discount networking with other writers. That can be just as fruitful. Writers will give their agents and editors referrals and often that referral holds enough weight to get a contract.

Other traditional publishing paths you might not have considered are mid-sized or smaller presses. You probably won't get a huge advance, but they, in my experience, can be better to work with. You are allowed more control over what your book will look like once it's published. Article, serials, and magazine writing can open doors for you. Non-fiction and creative non-fiction are also ways to get published.

All these things, no matter what path, assume you already have a great, polished book. Without that, the path to publication will be very bumpy.

Let's talk about self-publishing options for a moment. I am a hybrid author, meaning I write for traditional publishers as well as have my own self-publishing empire (though it's a very small empire at that). I am a firm believer in self-publishing. I know how hard it is to get a book published the traditional way, especially when it's a book not quite in the mainstream. Short story collects for example. Very few publishers want them.

Self-publishing is as viable an option as traditional publishing if you are looking to get your book into the world. I'm not going to go over the pros and cons of each, just know that there are many for both, and to explore your best option when deciding which path you want to take.

So some of the self-publishing oaths you can take are 'self' self publishing, by which I mean, doing everything on your own. You edit or hire an editor (which is my suggestion), you do the book cover or again hire someone, you do the formatting or hire someone. This DYI approach is a great option if you have the time and abilities.

For those that don't. You can go through a vanity or boutique press, but be very careful. They tend to be expensive and the contracts can be very tricky. When you self-publish, no matter how you do, make sure you retain the rights.

If you'd like to share, I'd love to hear about your publishing journey. How did you get a book deal, or self-publish your book? If you haven't done either yet, what road do you think you'll follow?

 

You can learn more about me and get a free ebook at www.jakazimer.com or friend me on facebook.

 

Long Live the Oldest Profession: Pimping Your Book

By J.A. (Julie) Kazimer

Since none of my previous published novels have hit the bestseller lists, for which I blame you (you know who you are), I decided to try a new marketing approach for The Fairyland Murders – Blog Tours. Not the kind I set up for myself, on blogs I’d visited seven times already, with people already sick to death of me (again, you know who you are), but blog tours arranged by PR companies who specialize in this sort of thing.

People in the know. People willing to pimp my book for a small monitory gain.

I started to hatch my evil…I mean, marketing plan by typing in a quick google search for just these sort of companies. I found a surprising amount of them, each who boasted of great results for former blog tour authors. Determined to break out of my midlist funk, I settled one three of the big ones.

The first one I emailed offered a package deal for $99, including a facebook party launch. I filled out the form and waited. And waited. And waited. Luckily for me I hadn’t sent over the requested $99 via paypal yet. I finally heard back from them a week later. They claimed my form had gone to junk mail. Sure, that happens, so I wasn’t too concerned. Until my second email to their representative had the same result. If they couldn’t get back with me, imagine how the blog tour would go? I quickly moved on to blog book tour company 2.

At least they emailed me back within a day.

That is about all I can say was going for them. I opted for a book blast tour costing $50. Now it was encouraged that I also offer a gift card reward for those commenting as well as hosting my book blast. A goodwill gesture. I’m all for goodwill. I get that these bloggers’ time is worth something. They were doing me a favor after all.

Then again, when the tour happened, I felt sort of sleazy. Like the tour was set up merely to win this gift card, for blogger and commenter alike. Not that there were many commenters. In fact, on at least 75% of the blogs, the only comment was a thank you for hosting from the blog tour company. The remaining 25% had one or two other comments.

Not quite what I'd expected.

Which brings me to blog tour company 3. This one seemed to be the most organized, and yet, when it was all said and done, my money wasn’t well spent again. These blog readers weren’t in it to learn about new books, but rather to win free stuff. Not that I mind giving it away, but I’d like to give it away to people actually interested in what I had to say or at the very least in books.

Now I didn’t post this to whine, but rather to offer this bit of advice. Marketing is all about taking risks. I’m not sad that I tried this blog tour approach. I’m glad I did. Now I know for next time it doesn’t pay to use these companies. What does work, is setting up my own guest posts with blogs. Trying new and different things will keep you interested in your own marketing, and that will make for a happier author and readers.

Has anyone had a different experience when using a blog tour company?