I know we writers can be coy about what gifts we want. And I’m sure you’re tired of getting us the same things year after year (books, and the occasional desk accessory). So, I’m just gonna say what we’re all thinking and tell you what I really want for Christmas this year.
- Representation from my dream agent. You know, the one I’ve been surreptitiously stalking on social media. If you can’t get her, any agent with at least five bestsellers under their belt will do in a pinch.
- An acceptance letter from my dream lit mag or anthology. Preferably both.
- A book deal. Doesn’t have to be with my dream publisher—any of the Big 5 will do. Two-book deal, six-figure advance, nothing fancy. Maybe throw in some movie rights if you’re feeling generous.
- An international book tour with truckloads of adoring fans. Don’t forget the adoring fans. Have you ever had to sit through a book signing where only your mother and your yoga instructor showed up? It’s scary. (Neither have I, but I have nightmares about it regularly.)
- Fame and Fortune. With a capital F. Basically, what you’ve enjoyed for the last few centuries.
Most of these things are large and oddly shaped, so don’t stress about wrapping them. Just wedge them under the tree between the book-shaped packages and the ergonomic desk chair with the big bow on it.
P.S. I got at least 35 rejection letters this year, without punching anyone in the face. If that doesn’t put me on the nice list, I don’t know what will.
P.P.S. If you’re still not sure, remember: I can turn you into a fictional character and kill you. Slowly and gruesomely.
Happy holidays from RMFW! The blog is going on winter break for the next two weeks, when our writers will be nestled all snug in their beds, visions of book deals dancing in their heads. See you in January!