By Karen Duvall
Talk to the Paw is for all writers and the pets that own them, so I’ve invited a couple of guests for one of my furry darlings to interview. Today’s honored canines are two adorable dachshunds, MacGuffin and Riley, that own a remarkable author by the name of Yvonne Montgomery.
Please pardon the fuzzy photos of Yvonne’s cunning canines, but they’re both too quick on their feet to stay still long enough to snap a picture. As befitting of their mystery author mom, these two are experienced in the art of slippery investigation. At least that’s what my dog Kinsey tells me. Kinsey got to Skype with her two new friends and what follows is a peek at their conversation.
Kinsey: Taps computer monitor with her nose. Hey! Guys? Can you see me?
MacGuffin: Kinda fuzzy through your nose snot, but yeah, I see ya okay.
Riley: If Mac would move his fat butt over, I might see you too.
Kinsey: I think its great that our moms are letting us Skype. Though I’d rather sniff your butts to get to know you, this will have to do.
MacGuffin: Sniffs the monitor.
Riley: Tries to push MacGuffin out of the way, but he pushes back.
Kinsey: You guys are wiener dogs, right?
MacGuffin: Looks insulted. We’re dachshunds.
Kinsey: So, MacGuffin, I hear you’re the alpha dog in your pack.
MacGuffin: That’s right.
Riley: Huffs and yawns. You wish. You should see how he gets when there’s a fly in the house. Some alpha.
MacGuffin: Hey, flies are dangerous. They can sting you.
Riley: Bees are the ones that sting, not flies.
Kinsey: Riley’s right, you know. I eat flies all the time and I’ve never been stung.
MacGuffin: Flies are dangerous. End of discussion.
Kinsey: Look, Mac, I get it. I feel the same way about big stuff in the sky. Kites? Man, those things will KILL you. So will airplanes and helicopters. You have to get out of sight fast or you’re a goner.
MacGuffin: Is that right? Where do you hide? Maybe I’ll try it the next time I’m attacked by a fly.
Kinsey: I have the best hiding place ever. Behind the toilet.
Riley: You look too big to hide behind a toilet.
Kinsey: Bristles. Are you calling me fat?
MacGuffin: Don’t mind him. He has no manners. He’s too hung up on rules to care when he hurts someone’s feelings.
MacGuffin: See what I mean?
Kinsey: I heard you guys live with cats.
Riley: Lifts his lip. Four of them.
Kinsey: We have three. One of them in particular is a real pain in my ass.
MacGuffin: We used to have only two, but then our mom’s daughter showed up with two kids AND two cats. Double the trouble—
Kinsey: Double the fun?
Riley: Snorts. Not bloody likely.
Kinsey: Cats are at least good for one thing.
Riley and MacGuffin: In unison: What’s that?
Kinsey: They leave us treats in their litterbox.
Riley: Looks disgusted. That’s gross.
MacGuffin: A cat turd has never crossed my lips.
Kinsey: Then you don’t know what you’re missing.
Kinsey: Alrighty then. I guess that concludes today’s interview. It was lovely to meet you both and I’m sure you’re very helpful to your author mom when she’s writing. I know I am to mine. A strategic placement of my ball on her keyboard makes all the difference. Hey, guys? Do either of you play ball? I’d be happy to give you some pointers…
Karen Duvall is a multi-published author with Harlequin Luna. Her current project is a fantasy romance that features lizards, birds, Dodos, pigs, a tiger and a cat, but no dogs. Her own dog is not happy about this and is thinking about going on strike.