Angsting Through the Walls

Under His Touch

I do it every damn time.

I keep thinking one of these days I'll learn, but I never seem to.

In every single book, I hit a point where I'm completely and utterly convinced that it's terrible. That THIS one is the book I'll have to pull the plug on and admit to failure.

It doesn't matter that pretty much every writer I've ever talked to says the same thing, I always feel alone in my despair. It also makes no difference for my brain to remind my heart that I do this on Every Single Book. With the luxury of hindsight, my published books all feel precious, wonderful and perfect. Like a woman who blanks out the pain of childbirth, I remember only the joy and wonder of the experience.

Never the angst.

I'm trying to keep this in mind right now, as UNDER HIS TOUCH, the second in my FALLING UNDER erotic romance trilogy releases next week (January 19!), even as I'm writing the third book, UNDER CONTRACT. I'm pretty sure UNDER CONTRACT is *terrible*. Each book in this trilogy has gotten darker and more emotional. I suspect readers will want to kill me with THIS one. I thought about not finishing. I really tried not to go some places in the story. None of that is working and I'm captive on this story train, hurtling to the bridge over the chasm that is surely destroyed.

Did I mention angst?

At the same time, I remember last summer, sitting on the patio and crying as I talked to one of my crit partners (CP) about writing UNDER HIS TOUCH. I was sure readers would hate me. I wanted to reel it back and didn't seem to be able to. I thought I might not be able to finish it.

Yeah, she talked me out of my tree.

I screeched up to the deadline so my CPs and editor at Carina got the draft at the same time. So the CP comments and developmental edits arrived all at once. (My editor knew I was doing this and was fine with it, btw.) You know what?

They ALL loved it.

I was flabbergasted. Every single one of them gave me the fewest revision notes I'd received thus far. Unreal.

And fabulous.

Early reviews are great, too. A balm to my angsty soul.

I'm trying to remind myself of this, as I'm writing the book that ISN'T ANYWHERE NEARLY AS GOOD AS THAT ONE. In fact, it's really quite awful. I'm doomed.

Why do we do this to ourselves???

Jeffe Kennedy
Jeffe Kennedy is an award-winning author whose works include non-fiction, poetry, short fiction, and novels. She has been a Ucross Foundation Fellow, received the Wyoming Arts Council Fellowship for Poetry, and was awarded a Frank Nelson Doubleday Memorial Award. Her essays have appeared in many publications, including Redbook.

Her most recent works include a number of fiction series: the fantasy romance novels of A Covenant of Thorns; the contemporary BDSM novellas of the Facets of Passion, and an erotic contemporary serial novel, Master of the Opera, which released beginning January 2, 2014. A fourth series, the fantasy trilogy The Twelve Kingdoms, hit the shelves starting in May 2014 and book 1, The Mark of the Tala, received a starred Library Journal review and has been nominated for the RT Book of the Year while the sequel, The Tears of the Rose, has been nominated for best fantasy romance of the year. A fifth series, the highly anticipated erotic romance trilogy, Falling Under, released starting with Going Under in July.

She lives in Santa Fe, New Mexico, with two Maine coon cats, plentiful free-range lizards and a very handsome Doctor of Oriental Medicine.

Jeffe can be found online at her website: JeffeKennedy.com, every Sunday at the popular Word Whores blog, on Facebook, and pretty much constantly on Twitter @jeffekennedy. She is represented by Connor Goldsmith of Fuse Literary.

13 thoughts on “Angsting Through the Walls

  1. I feel your pain, Jeffe! From our earlier times in the sandbox, I think we’re preoccupied with observing our fellow toddlers, seeing which toys they have and how they play with them, and comparing our toys and play with theirs. I think the biggest kindness we can show to ourselves is to harness those external observations as inspiration, instead of comparison. I admire your writing! 🙂

  2. Jeffe, I have the same problem. Here’s the catch: I didn’t experience it until I was a published author. Now that I have readers who count on me for a good read, I’m terrified that I’ll let them down.

  3. Precisely how I feel going into 2015. I can’t shake the negative feelings and need a pointy toed kick in the butt or something. Walking into my office is like walking into the dentists office. At this point, giving up writing and cleaning out out chicken coops sound like a better option.

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