I do it every damn time.
I keep thinking one of these days I'll learn, but I never seem to.
In every single book, I hit a point where I'm completely and utterly convinced that it's terrible. That THIS one is the book I'll have to pull the plug on and admit to failure.
It doesn't matter that pretty much every writer I've ever talked to says the same thing, I always feel alone in my despair. It also makes no difference for my brain to remind my heart that I do this on Every Single Book. With the luxury of hindsight, my published books all feel precious, wonderful and perfect. Like a woman who blanks out the pain of childbirth, I remember only the joy and wonder of the experience.
Never the angst.
I'm trying to keep this in mind right now, as UNDER HIS TOUCH, the second in my FALLING UNDER erotic romance trilogy releases next week (January 19!), even as I'm writing the third book, UNDER CONTRACT. I'm pretty sure UNDER CONTRACT is *terrible*. Each book in this trilogy has gotten darker and more emotional. I suspect readers will want to kill me with THIS one. I thought about not finishing. I really tried not to go some places in the story. None of that is working and I'm captive on this story train, hurtling to the bridge over the chasm that is surely destroyed.
Did I mention angst?
At the same time, I remember last summer, sitting on the patio and crying as I talked to one of my crit partners (CP) about writing UNDER HIS TOUCH. I was sure readers would hate me. I wanted to reel it back and didn't seem to be able to. I thought I might not be able to finish it.
Yeah, she talked me out of my tree.
I screeched up to the deadline so my CPs and editor at Carina got the draft at the same time. So the CP comments and developmental edits arrived all at once. (My editor knew I was doing this and was fine with it, btw.) You know what?
They ALL loved it.
I was flabbergasted. Every single one of them gave me the fewest revision notes I'd received thus far. Unreal.
Early reviews are great, too. A balm to my angsty soul.
I'm trying to remind myself of this, as I'm writing the book that ISN'T ANYWHERE NEARLY AS GOOD AS THAT ONE. In fact, it's really quite awful. I'm doomed.
Why do we do this to ourselves???