By J.A. (Julie) Kazimer
Writers are given a lot of rules when we first start writing: Don’t change tense, don’t head-hop, don’t plagiarize the Bible… After awhile, we learn to pick and choose what rules are right for us and our work. But there are still some NEVER to be broken rules like those below:
5) Kill a dog. Just don’t do it. Other animals are questionable decisions at best, but whack Fluffy, and there’s no coming back.
4) Dare the reader to hate it. Yes, that’s right. Never, ever, dare your reader to hate your book or to put it down. Guess what? I’m not 5 any longer and can see right through your lame ass attempt at reverse psychology.
3) Stand on your pulpit. If your book calls for political and/or religious views, fine. That’s well and good. Fiction is about what the book needs. But if you’re writing a spy thriller and suddenly I’m forced to read a passage about your viewpoint on building a fence around illegal aliens and I’ll stop reading right then. Never write to hear your own voice.
2) Add characters to fulfill a quota. Unless that one armed, Jewish, lesbian sidekick is vital to the story, please don’t throw her in. She has a hard enough time playing catcher in her softball league.
1) Follow the rules. If you want to kill a one-pawed, Jewish, lesbian canine stuck behind a electric fence with the Taco Bell dog, go ahead. I dare you. There are no absolutes when it comes to writing. Good advice on what people hate, sure, but if you dare to write it, then get on it.
How do you feel about ‘the rules’? Any no-no’s you can think of?
“Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!” But when you do, build up an immunity to iocaine powder.
Fu** dream sequences. Forever.
Sure, I can follow these rules “loosely” enough. My tried and fast rule: copy (i.e. not plagiarize) everything J.A. Kazimer writes. It’s working for her, why can’t it work for me?! (oh, and don’t use double punctuation, ever!!!)
And, oh (again, don’t right the truth…it’s fiction, right?
Amen, sister.