For the last six years I’ve been suffering from serious writer’s block. I did write three books during that time, but it was a total slog. I made myself write, instead of wanting, yearning to write, which was the way it had been for the previous twenty years. Never before had I struggled to put words on the page. But now I felt like my creative spark was wavering and flickering and threatening to go out altogether.
I tried desperately to figure out what the problem was. Maybe it was because I was getting old and didn’t have the same passion for writing I used to have. Maybe my life was too good. I could afford to travel, my job was satisfying and I found other outlets for my creativity. Or maybe it was because I’d lost hope (or become realistic) and realized I was never going to “break out” and become a bestseller. Or even climb the ranks very high in my limited genre.
I think for many writers, a part of why we do it in the beginning is to show the people who discounted and ignored us throughout our lives that we aren’t losers. Our failures in other arenas could be vanquished because we could write books. But then, having been published and gone back to my class reunion and had a booksigning in a local store, I felt I had made it, at least to a level that impressed people who respected such intellectual pursuits.
Now I was a has-been, trying to climb back up the publishing ladder, and knowing, given my highly competitive genre and my intense dislike of (and incompetence at) promotion, I was never going to get very far. There was a niggling voice inside me saying “What’s the point?” Why should I keep going when this was probably as good as my writing career was going to get?
It turns out my concern that my life was too good was on the right track. Because as my personal life grew stressful, and political, social and environmental crises filled the news, I again turned to the refuge of writing. I’m still slow (I’ve always been a plodder), but I am writing more and in longer bursts and getting caught up in my story. The world of my book (13th century Wales) seems much more enticing than the messy, fraught real one.
In my fictional world, I can imagine happy endings. Justice, compassion and wisdom prevail. Nature may be a threat at times (survival was not a given in the medieval era, even if you were wealthy and privileged), but that actually seems like a good thing. Humans didn’t have the technology to drastically alter the environment, and because I’m writing fiction, I can focus on all the beneficent and beautiful aspects of the natural world instead of the devastating losses we’re now incurring.
Clearly, I have mixed feelings about my renewed passion for writing. On one hand, it’s great to once again have this magical escape, which calms my brain and feeds my soul in ways few other things do. But I wish I was escaping my humdrum life as the mother of two small children or the sadness of watching my mother decline, or the hectic schedule of someone who has too many jobs and responsibilities and too little time. The things I’m escaping these days are serious and in some cases horrifying.
But that’s the wonderful thing about fiction, the reason we need stories now more than ever. In fiction, we can right the wrongs of the world and focus on the best aspects of humanity. And it’s been proven that reading fiction makes people more empathetic, more thoughtful and considerate of other people. We need that now more than ever.
Great post, Mary!
Curiously, approaching my day job’s retirement in the next year or so, I’ve also “noticed” a massive throttling back of my own enthusiasm/output. I’ve only recently started two new books. But I’m only Indie published. Had an agent for five years a few years back and still hadn’t sold anything. But my life is also doing quite well! I love to write, feel I will always write, but I’m no longer killing myself to get things “out there.” I have five books published (not counting all the others started or not released), and I’m really happy about those books. Sure, I wish they sold [more!], but things are what things are. I can’t promote like others…don’t have the funds or the time to do so, with everything else in my life…and I no longer am feeling the burning need to keep ringing my bell any longer: if you wanna buy my books, here they are…if not, thanks for stopping by! Maybe that will change when I retire and “reset” my mindset. I gave up a lot of LIVING time to write and promote, and I’m no longer willing to do that. I love my life and want to better enjoy the days and nights as they are without trying to fill every waking hour with writing! Some authors on a Mountain of Authors panel in Colorado Springs once said *do not give up your life for writing!* I thought those were such words of wisdom! I’m not and am no longer willing to. I’d already done that. It didn’t work. It’s not my track in life. And I’m good with that. If something happens down the road…I’ll re-evaluate.
So…don’t feel guilty or unfulfilled! You’ve done well! Are still doing well—you said so yourself! Don’t waste time living in the past…live your life…follow the Fall Line of your life and just ENJOY it. I am and I’m totally good with that! I’m proud of you for seeing that in your own life! Life is more than just writing and promoting. It’s about LIVING!
So LIVE!
Thank you, F.P. I appreciate the encouragement and affirmation about living my life. I think that’s excellent for advice for anyone. But I’m also saying I need my writing escape and I am bemoaning the things I’m now escaping. Not just my personal situation, which is as messily complex as it has ever been. But the world situation. I hope you finally have the time and opportunity to live life to the fullest. A goal as worthy as any writing career. Cheers!
Writing is like any other endeavor in our lives. It will ebb and flow. But be patient. The urge to write, to create is hard-wired in authors. Yours will return if you give it room to grow and flourish.
Thanks for the encouragement. I hope I’m getting there. Now if I could just find more time.
Interesting post. Creativity ebbs and flows. Also I think if you make it a habit to write everyday, your brain gets used to that routine and creativity flows. Good luck with your writing. Don’t give up, a breakthrough is right around the corner.
Thanks, Tena. I used to write every day no matter what. Then the internet came along and I get sucked into email and FB and don’t always get to writing. Need to go back to doing that FIRST.
So many of us have gone through or are going through that same enthusiasm gap. I am also a plodder, and horrible at marketing. When my imprint was closed by the new publishing house it set me back. I have the rights back to my books, but the thought of self-publishing is intimidating. It’s nice to read that we aren’t as alone as we sometimes think. We all need to take the pressure of being published off ourselves and write for our own enjoyment to recharge our batteries so we can wade into the battle again.
I think a lot of writers are in the same place as I am, in many ways. It helps to commiserate and share. Thanks for stopping by.
Excellent reflection on the effects of world events on creativity. These days, I find myself escaping more and more into my fictional fantasies. Whether others will enjoy them as much as I do remains to be seen. I wish you best of luck with your adjustment to retirement. I left my day job at 52 to pursue writing, and have never been happier with my work–but then, I wasn’t working to fulfill my passion, just to pay the bills. It’s such a fulfilling change. Wishing you happy writing.
I wish I was retiring, at least most of the time. But it will be a few years yet. And I do have the best job for a writer, ordering fiction for a public library. But like most public-funded institutions, there is less funding and due to low salaries it’s hard to keep employees and so we are constantly short-staffed and under pressure to do more and more. I suspect there is another blog post there. LOL! Thanks for stopping by. Happy writing to you as well.
I really enjoyed reading your post, Mary. It was like I was reading something I’d written. I’m going through many of the same stresses you are. And like you, I’m not sure if my writer’s block is coming from the terrible devastation of this planet that you read every day in the news, personal struggles, or my feelings of guilt that I don’t promote my books as much as I should. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It’s good to know I’m not alone. Hope your writing muse stays with you.
I’ve been surprised how many people my comments have resonated with. Good to know so many of us are struggling with the same things. It helps to share our angst. Thanks for stopping by.
Great post, Mary. I could relate with much of this. And hey I write in the same era. Definitely love that we can control the ending and make the world brighter for those in it (even if the world is in the pages).
Yes, that is the great thing about fiction. We can make the ending happy and satisfying. Although for that reason, our books are often disdained by the literary critics. But that’s certainly not why I write anyway. I’d rather touch and inspire individual readers than get critical acclaim. Thanks for stopping by.
I firmly believe that the best thing each of us can do in today’s world–if we feel we are living personally good lives–is to continue doing just that. There will be and has always been terrible and insane events going on, but I also believe there IS more GOOD than BAD or we wouldn’t be talking about it, here. So, the best way to combat that, if I may, is for each of us to continue living our individually GOOD lives, which as a whole, is an incredible HUMONGOUS whole. If you keep focusing on the crazy, that’s all you’ll see. When we all do good actions, perpetuate good, that is what combats evil and the insane. Everything comes to an end. Everything. Certain actors are merely getting the spotlight. Choose to focus your camera elsewhere with your own spotlight.
Good advice. We can only control what we can control. Have to do good in our own lives as much as we can and not worry about the rest of it.
Big smile!