Being Brave

When I tell people I’m a writer, they are often impressed I can put the words together to write a whole book. Or, amazed I can create characters and come up with plots. But they don’t realize how brave I am. How bold and daring. Because that is a huge part of being a writer. You are constantly facing rejection.

There are the obvious rejections that come with submitting your work to editors and agents. Even once you are published, there is always the risk that those first readers of your work won’t like it. I know multi-multi-published authors who still get a bit anxious when they submit their latest book or a new proposal. They’ve done this dozens of times, but they still worry their latest work won’t measure up.

But that’s just the professional rejections. There are dozens of other layers of criticism and censure a writer faces. Even from other writers. Especially other writers. Critique groups for example. I’ve known writers who rave about their critique groups and how much they helped them. But I also know several writers who flat out quit writing because they were so demoralized by a critique group.

And then there is the informal snarkiness between writers. If you write genre fiction, the literary writers sneer at you. If you write romance, pretty much all the other genre writers look down on you. If you are self-published, the traditionally published writers feel superior. If you write for a small press, those who write for the “big six” (or is it five or four now?) New-York-based houses, know they have an edge. And then there is sales and money and recognition and all those trappings of success. It’s hard not to look over your shoulder at your peers and compare yourself to them.

And reviews. So many ways for people to tear you down. People used to have to make the effort to write you a letter to criticize your work. Or be a professional reviewer. Now anyone with a smartphone can weigh in on your story. And, in general, that ease of critiquing seems to bring out the worst in people.

Even if you are content with what you’ve accomplished, other people will always judge you. You feel it when you tell them you’re a writer and they ask where they can get your books. Maybe they are out-of-print or only in e-book (which they don’t read), so in their minds, they might as well not exist. If they ask what you write, to explain what you do, you have to mention another well-known author who writes similar books. And you know they are thinking they never heard of you, so it’s hard for them to see you as a real writer.

Every time you put words on a page, you are facing the criticism and rejection of your potential readers. Every time you share your story, your vision, you have to call up your strength and bravery and brace for the response. To write a story, a novel, an essay, a blog—every time you put words on the page you are taking a risk that you will be rejected.

Bravery is built into writing. It’s at least as important to writing success as talent or even persistence and hard work. I’ve known many writers who have talent, who work hard and put the words on the page, but because of their life experiences, they lack confidence in themselves. And that’s why they stop writing, get blocked and discouraged and give up. They can’t bear to take the risk and suffer the pain of rejection. It hurts them too much. Wounds them too deeply.

To keep going you have to be tough. Stubborn. And brave.

But all of us waver at times. As I said, even established multi-published, award-winning writers have their moments of doubt. When their confidence wobbles, they rely on their friends and colleagues to bolster them up. Because other writers can tear you down and make you doubt yourself, but they can also cheer you on and inspire you to be brave.

Over twenty-five years ago, I attended my first Colorado Gold conference and joined a community of writers. Over the years, many of them became my friends and allies. They have inspired me and aided me on my journey. They have shared their stories and the rejections and pain they have suffered and made me feel much less alone.

Yes, to be a writer, you have to be brave. But you don’t have to do it entirely on your own. If you can find the kindred souls, the ones who are generous and warm, who know that your success doesn’t diminish their own, that it is not a competition. If you can find “your people”, then writing doesn’t have to be so scary and stressful. Yes, there is always a kind of boldness, an arrogance in believing you have something to say. That your story matters and is worth someone’s time to read it. But it doesn’t have to be completely a daring leap of faith.

Here’s to the other writers who have encouraged me and emboldened me and helped me be brave. And to writing communities like RMFW who have brought us together. Cheers to you. Thanks for holding my hand and patting me on the back and sharing your own experiences with doubt and rejection, and for simply being there. Now I’m off to the exhilarating, terrifying, risky business of writing fiction.