DEEP POV Lesson 4 – Filtering Words

Filtering words? What’s that?

Michael R. Emmert, on the Scribophile blog, says, “To picture what filtering is, picture sea sand being poured through a screen into a bucket. The screen removes any larger objects as the sand is poured. Filtering eliminates pieces, and leaves an altered product. In fiction, the concept of filtering is similar: filtering removes something; something is prevented from reaching the story, and thus the reader.”

The following comes from Writing it Sideways – an article on filter words:

Sarah felt a sinking feeling as she realized she’d forgotten her purse back at the cafe across the street. She saw cars filing past, their bumpers end-to-end. She heard the impatient honk of horns and wondered how she could quickly cross the busy road before someone took off with her bag. But the traffic seemed impenetrable, and she decided to run to the intersection at the end of the block.

Eliminating the bolded words removes the filters that distance us, the readers, from this character’s experience:

Sarah’s stomach sank. Her purse—she’d forgotten it back at the cafe across the street. Cars filed past, their bumpers end-to-end. Horns honked impatiently. Could she make it across the road before someone took off with her bag? She ran past the impenetrable stream of traffic, toward the intersection at the end of the block.

Here’s a list of filtering words to watch out for.
to see
to hear
to think
to touch
to wonder
to realize
to watch
to look
to seem
to feel (or feel like)
to decide
to sound (or sound like)
to notice
to be able to
to note
to experience

More can be found online.

As I read through these, I wondered how much I used “wondered.” In my first manuscript – which is no longer available but might be completely rewritten at some point – I used “wondered” 11 times. I’m guessing all of those instances could be DEEP POVed. Here they are. Feel free to play with them if you want to.

It was a question that they’d never asked. Jeff wondered what caused her to ask it now. “I don’t know, Sissie. Why?”

Jamie wondered if shampoo could be used as bubble bath as she opened her door.

They sat on the bench just inside the rink’s fence. Jamie wondered if the lights were always on at the rink or if A.J. had arranged that as well.

A person ought to have everything go his way on his birthday. She wondered if she should pick him up something, just because.

Jamie wondered if he felt that he was losing his starting position.

As he lay there waiting for sleep to come, he wondered if either Jeff or Jamie would ever get completely over the things they suffered in their childhood.

Mason did win, but it wasn’t decisive. Jamie wondered if a win was a win to the Colonel or if only a shutout would do.

As he shut the door, she wondered if he knew something that she didn’t know. . . or rather something that she hoped she didn’t know.

She wondered if they’d ever sing together again.

A.J. wondered fleetingly if all priests talked this way.

Apprehension tightened in his stomach as he wondered if Jamie had forsaken even her little buddy.

Well, campers, that’s all for this lesson. Maybe you’d like to do a search of your WIP like I did. Pick one or two distancing words, and see how many times you used them and if they could be eliminated.

I’ll be back with you in December. Until then, BiC-HoK: Butt in Chair, Hands on Keyboard.

Cheers, Jax