DEEP POV uses internalization purposefully. As you’re studying DEEP POV, you may think there’s an awful lot of internalization. You may be right. And as writers, we need to make sure our internalization – our DEEP POV – is not all over the place.
Every thought the POV character has in a scene should be directly related to what’s happening on the page – the action that’s going on around him.
Think about this scene. Lisa walks into a business meeting and there, talking to the boss, is the new lady from accounting. She’s wearing leggings, a long white shirt, a vest with fringe, cowboy boots with bling, and a cowboy hat. Lisa will react to what she’s seeing.
Holy cow. Who told that lady that her get-up was appropriate for a business meeting? Who told her that was even a good look at all? Especially with lumpy legs. Sheesh.
Now, Lisa begins thinking back (backstory) – but this train of thought has to be related to the here and now.
Her mom’s voice in her head. You aren’t going out of the house looking that way, young lady. And the time she got to a party in costume when it clearly wasn’t a costume party. Thank God, she’d learned her lesson. Smiling to herself, she laid her notebook on the table.
Before you ask about the italics above. It’s only because it’s a callback to a quote in her memory – not because it’s a thought. Obviously this isn’t a real scene, and it’s not even very good. But you get the point. You can’t have Lisa notice this woman’s ridiculous get-up and then have a flashback to something completely unrelated. If you do, you pop out of DEEP POV.
She threw her engagement ring at him. “This is so over!” They had been dating for nearly four years and had met at their jobs. He’d been the lawyer who had mentored her when she first started at Fancy Pants Law Firm.
This is a backstory dump that pulls the reader out of the character’s head and out of the moment. I mean, she just threw her engagement ring at him!
DEEP POV is a flow of Action/Reaction/Emotion/Action.
Let me say that again.
DEEP POV is a flow of Action/Reaction/Emotion/Action.
I promise we’ll talk about this more in another lesson. And I’ll recommend some great resources on learning this principle.
Here are two from the queen of DEEP POV, Suzanne Brockmann, from The Unsung Hero.
This one is very brief and brings in just a hint of backstory.
Gosh, I love how she uses “aside from the fact” three times. Yes!
And one from True Valor (book 1 in my True Heroes series).
“What does your gut tell you is going on with this girl, Nic? You’ve always had good instincts, even if you didn’t become a cop.”
Mickey had never gotten over the fact that Nic had preferred battling fires to fighting bad guys. Then, when he and Joey had made the jump to pararescue, Mickey had again pleaded his case for them to come back to Boston and join the force. Nic never doubted that he’d made the right decision. Well, not until Joey died.
He forced himself back to the present. “I think she’s telling the truth. I think she really does have amnesia, if that’s what you’re asking.”
Think about your own thought processes. Nic’s thought about his uncle takes three sentences. But those thoughts come in a flash, and often you have another thought about the thought itself. Or maybe it’s just me and the voices in my head having a complete conversation. Shrug.
Feel free to find a scene of yours with a flash of backstory. Check to see if it breaks the rules. Oh, and share if you like in the comments.
And here’s to an amazing holiday season for everyone. Safe journeys and wonderful time with friends and family. See you back in January for more DEEP POV.
Jax