So in this writing game, part of the currency authors are paid in is status. Money might come, but even more important than fabulous cash prizes, in some circles, is status.
And how do you get status? Oh, the status game has many markers. Who is your agent? Oh, that’s your agent? Wow. You get a hundred status points.
What is the name of your publisher? Oh, you signed a book deal and got a huge advance? You get two hundred status points. And since you earned out, you get bonus status points!
Friends on Facebook? One status point for every friend. Each like above one hundred likes gives you a status point. Traffic to your blog? You have to get at least five hundred hits a day to start accruing status points.
Twitter, Instagram, Wattpad, all work similarly. Email me privately and I’ll let you in on how status points work on those platforms.
A good review in the Publisher’s Weekly? That’s fifty status points, and if they like it, more bonus points. A starred review gives you the gold star bonus. I’ve heard you get special powers if you get the gold star bonus.
A good Kirkus Review? Well, that depends. The Indie Kirkus review only gives you twelve bonus points, but if you get a “real” Kirkus Review, well, that’s forty-nine points.
Are you an Amazon bestseller? Well, in what subcategory? You see, if your book is in the top 100 across all of Amazon, that is a thousand status points. If you are a bestseller in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Children’s eBooks > Science Fiction, Fantasy & Scary Stories > Fantasy & Magic > Coming of Age>Judaism>Horror>Golems, well, you get an honorary five status points, but not much else.
Are you a U.S.A Today bestseller? Impressive. I’ll give you forty-eight status points.
Are you in the “real” game? Are you a New York Times Bestselling author? For realz? If you are, I bet you don’t use the word “realz”.
For every spot on the list, you get exponentially more status points. If you’re like fiftieth, you get X amount of status points. If you are #1? You get X to the fiftieth power. You can use your status points to buy the following: purse dogs, private jets, a date with Kanye West (to convince him to read novels), and a spot on Oprah, which I know is so over, but we have a time machine for you.
If you are #1 on the New York Times Bestseller list for weeks in a row, your bonus points quadruple, and you transcend status points. Now, you can count your status in chits.
One trillion status points equals one chit. And one trillion chits equals a Schrute buck. Google Schrute bucks. I love The Office.
I know what you’re thinking. That Aaron Michael Ritchey (three names gives me one status point automatically) is stomping around in his own sour grapes. You are totally right. I get jealous. I have a few status points, sure I do, but not as many as I want.
In the end, I had to really think on this issue. Is status my end goal? Is that why I’m in the game?
To be honest, at first, yeah, that’s what I wanted. I wanted the golden ticket. I wanted to be intrinsically better than you. I wanted you to bow down before my genius and kiss my ring.
And then, the status didn’t come like I wanted, and you know, it might not come.
Which makes me wonder why I’m writing?
I have my answer. I want to write books. I want to write a lot of books. I want to write books with people, and I want to write books alone. And since I already wrote for twenty years without publishing my work, I want to spend the next twenty years publishing what I write because for me, if I don’t get my work out in the world, it loses its meaning. For me, writing must be a selfless act, and for it to be selfless, I must let go of my fear and publish books, by any means necessary.
The status may or may not come.
But the books? The time I spend writing?
It becomes something you can’t buy with status points, chits, or Schrute bucks.
The time I spend crafting novels becomes priceless. And when I’m holding my books in my hand, I’m holding the minutes of my life. After all, I only have a few precious minutes alive on this planet, and I want to use those minutes to write.
However, for every comment on this blog post, I get one status point. Hurray! And for the record, I don’t think I’m better than you.
Amen, brother, to all of this.
Your posts are always so entertaining! I’m happy to add another status point to your collection, Aaron. You deserve as many as you can get.
Great blog. I never considered myself to be a competitive person until I started writing. Now, I inevitably compare my work to published authors. I’m always trying to figure out what they are doing right. Or trying to understand the errors they are making. Oh. And I would like my points for posting. 🙂
I love you. I love this. If I could shower status points on you I would. Hugs!
Great post! I want ALL of the Schrute bucks. And my own bobble head doll. No beets, if you please. Thank you.
And if you don’t actually achieve your status, you can purchase enough bling to make it look like you’re high on the ladder. You’re so right. Enjoy the writing!
I couldn’t have put it better myself! Maybe writing is theraputic; I know it brings out the competitiveness in me. For whatever reason, I try to write every day. A feeling of accomplishment engulfs me, and my day goes better. You stated that last point quite succinctly!.
Thanks all. Status points for everyone. I was really worried about this blog post. I mean, it’s controversial in a sense. So glad no one, so far, has taken it the wrong way.
Aaron, no one who knows you even slightly would ever take this the wrong way!
By going onto Beyond the Trope as a guest, you earned a thousand status points per episode (that would be a total of 4k, I believe), and for guest HOSTING, it’s 2k per episode (so another 6k). See? 10k in one year.
Thus sayeth the voice from Beyond the Trope! (Don’t peer behind the trope, though, it will only end in a balding man with a strange mustache.)
You forgot to address the negative status points! Or did you just not want to write an extra fifty thousand words on the subject?
Finally, someone has explained to me how it works! Thank you.
However, Aaron Michael Ritchey, I have a question. Do I get extra points for having four names? Does it matter that I generally use initials for the middle two because Jane McNeill Holmes Bigelow is an awful lot to put on a name badge or Table of Contents?
Love it! (Do we get status points for posting comments?)
Hmm, Negative status points. I love it. That, I can get behind. And Dani Coleman, oh yeah, ever comment gives you .25 status points. Jane McNeill Holmes Bigelow, use all four names! That’s so much status, I can’t stand it! And Giles Hash, as the guy behind BEHIND THE TROPE, you automatically get one Schrute buck. Use it well!
Ancillary benefit: You doing it for you does it for me. I’d say you are an inspiration but that’s too ethereal. You remind me to be me, to have dreams and pursue them, to put my best efforts out there and on the line. I don’t know what kind of points you get for that but they are the best kind of points. 🙂 Respect, mah brutha!
Great post! Couldn’t agree more. 🙂