In a recent workshop, I was asked to explain the difference between passive and active voice.
Think of active voice as being more direct, with a noun (the subject of the sentence) doing a verb (the action of the sentence): “Daryl caught the ball” (noun=Daryl, verb=caught) or “The script revealed the killer on the first page” (noun=script, verb=revealed). As a short-hand trick, think “the noun verbed”: The cat puked. The storm broke. The teacher laughed.
In a passive sentence, instead of a noun doing something, something is happening to a noun. “The ball was caught by Daryl” (noun=ball, verb=was caught) or “The killer was revealed on the first page of the script” (noun=killer, verb=was revealed).
Note that even though our sentences about Daryll catching the ball are basically saying the same thing, in the active version, the noun we’re focusing on is Daryll, who catches a ball. In the passive version of the sentence, Daryll is no longer the main noun. Instead, the ball is now the main noun, and it’s being caught instead of doing the catching. Poor Daryll has been demoted to an afterthought. Not only is Daryll no longer actively doing something, but we used more words in the sentence. We diluted the energy and slowed down the action. The active sentence is stronger because it focuses the attention on who really matters in the sentence (Daryll) and what he’s doing (catching a ball).
A passive-voice sentence generally has a softer impact, may use more words, and can be a bit more convoluted to read, because it often ends up saying “was <verbed> by Bob” instead of “Bob <verbed>.”
In fiction, active voice is generally your best choice. Why? Because it makes the scene and your sentences move along at a faster pace, it is often easier to read (less convoluted, with fewer words), and it reduces confusion about who was doing the action in that sentence.
That doesn’t mean passive voice is bad. In fact, passive voice can actually be helpful in some cases, because you can use it to hide who might have done something: “Regulations were enacted to restrict access to the life-saving drug.” Who enacted those regulations, anyway? Shouldn’t they be held accountable? You bet their PR department used passive voice on purpose!
In fiction, instead of saying “I made a mistake,” a guilty party might say “Mistakes were made,” which hides the person who committed the mistake. If your intent is to hide the guilty party, great. But in a sentence like “the ice cream was left out,” it might be really important to know who left it out!
As another example, suppose you have a character trying to avoid being blamed for or associated with something. Instead of saying “I found the open window,” he might say “The window was open.” The second version is passive, because it’s hiding who did the action, and we realize the guy is trying to hide the fact that he’s the one who found the open window. So in that case, passive voice works well to show that this guy’s hiding something.
In general, though, active voice is often your best bet. Try this example: “A glimpse of a broken windmill was visible.” That’s passive voice, because we can’t tell who glimpsed the broken windmill. The narrator? Someone else in the room? People in town? We’ve removed who was glimpsing the windmill without a good reason to do that, and the sentence becomes unnecessarily vague. The word “was” is a good clue in this sentence. Here’s a before and after (and another possible “after”):
Passive: “A glimpse of a broken windmill was visible.” (noun=glimpse, verb=was visible)
Active #1: “Sheila glimpsed a broken windmill.” (noun=Sheila, verb=glimpsed)
Active #2: “A broken windmill marred the horizon.” (noun=windmill, verb=marred)
In the first active version, we eliminated 3 completely unnecessary words that were in the original passive version. But more importantly, we made it clear who was doing the glimpsing, thus bringing the character into the scene and making the whole sentence seem more impactful and less vague or misleading. In other words, more active.
In the second active version, we turned the windmill into the active noun and gave it its own action (marring the horizon). That active sentence gives the setting some real teeth in this scene, doesn’t it?
As you look at sentences in your own writing, ask yourself: who (or what) did this thing? And look for “was…by” phrases. If the sentence says: “The writing on the wall was hidden by a potted plant,” note the phrase “was <verbed> by.” That’s a great clue that this sentence could be made more active, such as: “A potted plant hid the writing on the wall.”
Often, changing a sentence from passive to active doesn’t change the meaning, but it may make your prose tighter, focusing more energy into the scene and making your sentence crackle with more action.
I hope this helps. It may seem confusing at first, but once you start looking for examples, it will become easier to spot and easier to write—I promise!
[Photo by Ben Hershey on Unsplash]
Thanks! I line this!
Short and to the point … nice job, Kelley.