While we’re in that period between people receiving their scores and critiques from the contest, and preparing for pitch sessions at the conference, this seems like a good time to talk about rejection.
If you’re engaged in an artistic endeavor like writing, rejection is almost inevitable. There are a few people who get published right away who are then almost immediately successful who really never experience it. But for the rest of us, there are going to be some bumps in the road: criticism and dismissal.
If you go the traditional publishing route and submit to editors and agents, the rejections may be blatant: emails or other communications saying your book isn’t what they want, isn’t right for them or their company, or sometimes brutally suggesting that it’s just not very good. Or, the rejection may be more subtle, as in, you may get no response at all. Many publishing houses and agency say in their submission guidelines: “Due to the huge number of submissions we receive we are unable to respond unless we are interested.” In some ways, no response can feel even worse than a straight-up rejection. It’s discouraging to realize your work didn’t even merit the effort of someone taking the time to say “no”.
Even if you don’t submit to editors and agents, there are still plenty of opportunities for a writer to experience rejection. Along the way of developing your work, you are probably going to share it with a critique group or submit it to contests to get some feedback. And most likely a bit of that feedback will be negative. Then, once you’re published, either traditionally or independently, you will have to deal with reviews and sales figures that reveal not everyone loves your work.
For most of us, rejection is painful and difficult to deal with; it reminds us of the personal snubs and disappointments we’ve faced. If you were ever bullied or socially shunned as a child, it tends to all come back, as fresh and excruciating as ever. But since rejection is part of being a writer, we have to learn to deal with it.
Some writers turn the situation on its head. They see every rejection as getting them closer to publication and to success. It means they are moving forward, sending their work out and learning how to do things better. Some people even go so far as to celebrate rejection. To display their rejection letters and emails as badges of honor.
My personal approach is to tell myself that a rejection is just one person’s opinion and therefore, carries little weight. I base my perspective on the fact that I, and other writers, often receive contradictory responses to our work. The same things some editors like, others dislike. Certainly, you can see that in reviews, where the same book will elicit ratings of both “5’s” and “1’s”.
Other authors have so much natural confidence that they just tune out anything negative. They never doubt their work has merit. I envy those people, as they are the same ones for whom promotion seems to be easy. They are certain their work is good and therefore, eager to push it to anyone who will listen.
But despite trying to be philosophical and rational about rejection, it still hurts. For most of us, there’s always a little gut punch when you recognize you’ve been rejected. I think it’s because it taps into the primal fear of being outcast, turned away by the tribe. At one time, that sort of rejection could be lethal. We desperately needed other people for survival, and if members of our tribe disapproved of us, it could lead to ostracism and death.
That’s why our bodies respond so viscerally to rejection, and why it’s so difficult to face.
Indeed, some writers can’t cope with it. They avoid sending out their work unless they are almost certain they will get a positive response. They don’t take the risks necessary to build their career. Sometimes those writers get published anyway. They are talented enough and lucky enough to get an offer the first time they put their work out there. But in my experience, sooner or later even those initially fortunate writers run into some sort of rejection. And sometimes that’s the end for them. They give up on their careers because to move forward means facing the horror of someone not liking their work.
Maybe the best way is to see rejection is as a necessary evil, a part of the process of growth and development, not just as a writer, but as a human being. We probably do need to celebrate our rejections, not necessarily because they are a sign we’re making progress, but because each time we face one and don’t let it demoralize us, it means we’ve been challenged and we have prevailed. Superheroes don’t let set-backs get them down. Neither can we.
