Taming the Worry Monster

Quick – grab a piece of paper and a pen and jot down a list of things you are worrying about. Don’t stop to think whether they are rational or irrational. Don’t try to prioritize. Just scribble them down. Do it now. I’ll wait. While I wait I will contemplate this still life photo of a random penguin.What is the penguin worried about, I wonder? Does he know that worrying expends valuable energy without creating any positive result? Does he understand that one of the best ways to deal with worry is to take positive action toward a goal?

Since we can’t get a look into the penguin’s head, let’s all focus on our own. Have a look at your worry list and pick one to work on, preferably something writing related. Got it?

Okay. Now take your pen and paper and do the following.

1. List all of the people involved in this situation.
2. Now draw a big, fat, scribble line through all of those names.
3. Below the crossed out list write your own name, because YOU are the only person you have any control over.
4. Now brainstorm a list of all of the possible actions YOU can take to resolve this issue. Remember that if the action requires participation by somebody else, it doesn’t go here. Try the format Your Name + Verb + Object (optional) If you are worrying about trying to find an agent, for example, your action list may look something like this:

• I will craft a query letter
• I will email five friends and ask them for feedback (note that YOU are asking. How they respond is out of your control)
• I will research agents and make a list of ten who are looking for my genre
• I will submit my polished query letter to those ten agents and search out ten more
• I will send out another query letter for every rejection I receive

And so on. If your worry is interpersonal, such as conflict with your agent or a crit partner or a problem with your editor, the action list still takes the same format. You can’t change another person. You can’t change what they think or feel or what they do. You probably have no control over editorial decisions. But you can let them know how you feel and what you think. Communication is a direct action you can take. So your list might look more like this:

• Write a letter to my agent explaining my point of view
• Ask my editor for an extension
• Message my crit partner and ask if we can talk.

Maybe the thing that’s keeping you awake at night is a book launch and your fear that your new release won’t sell enough copies. Every writer has been there. Again, make a list of positive actions that you can take, and then do those things.

Sometimes action is the best self care. Relaxation and breathing and meditation are wonderful things, but so is knowing that you have taken positive action to resolve a problem.