The Immediacy of Action

Writing an action sequence is a unique part of writing. All of the rest of writing—setting a scene, establishing a character, revealing an epiphany, etc.—are all different as well. But they are clear siblings of each other. Action stands apart from all the others as much as a raven sitting on a wire amidst blue jays.

In the written action sequence, everything matters more, because action, above all else, must be clear. Similes and metaphors must be crisp and quickly understood; blocking—where everyone is onstage and where they are moving when they act—must be conveyed in sharp relief; the sequence of events need not necessarily be ordered and linear, but whatever the sequence, the reader must be able to follow it. It is a proven fact that a reader’s reading speed accelerates during an action scene, and just as it hurts more if you trip while running than while walking, anything that takes the reader out of your story, any incongruity or false tone or out-of-place note, is going to hit them harder than in any other scene in your book.

But of all of this, the most important thing is the action must be immediate and personal. Even if writing in past third person, the action has to be visceral. See if you can tell what I mean from these examples:

Malcolm’s fist flew at the ugly face and impacted with a crunch.
or
Malcolm swung his angry fist into the orc-looking man’s face with a satisfying crunch.

As Debbie faced off with the German soldier, both of their eyes widened as the bayonet slipped through her blouse, her skin, and then her ribs.
or
Debbie and the German soldier faced each other, and both of their eyes widened as he slipped the bayonet through the diaphanous fabric of her peasant blouse, through the softly relenting flesh of her breast, lodging at last between her ribs.

John was nervous as he let the marble go and watched it careen into the others within the ring.
or
John licked his lips and could almost hear the drip-drip-drip of his sweat pattering on the pavement as he applied pressure with his thumb and the marble shot out, straight at the other marbles scattered around the ring.

In each of the examples, several concepts are conveyed. First, each combatant must own his action. Don’t give the action to Malcolm’s fist, give it to Malcolm. Second, don’t be afraid to embellish the prose—just because you’re describing fast-paced action doesn’t mean you have to write it fast and not give it your best flare. Thirdly, something we’ve all heard a million times: Show, don’t tell—don’t tell us John is nervous, show us.

I’d ask you to spend more time on your action sequences than any other part of your book, especially if it’s the climax. As Maya Angelou said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Substitute “readers” for “people”.