Top 10 Things a Writer Hears Around the Holiday Table

10. “Did you finish the book yet?” (Variations: How close are you? When will you finish? Are you actually going to finish this one?)

9. “When will it come out?” Don’t bother explaining that finishing the story is only the beginning. Folks outside the industry tend to romanticize the process: we authors toil with quill and parchment in an isolated cabin until the story pours out in one continuous stream, no need for edits, then it “comes out” in the world. Forget about all the messy middle business of redrafting, macro and micro editing, beta reading, querying, rejection . . .

8. “Have you written anything I’ve heard of?” A few possible responses: “Yes. J. K. Rowling is my pen name. I’m actually a bazillionaire yet still choose to celebrate with common people like you.” Or, “Have you tried any cases/cured any cancers/founded any companies I’ve heard of?” Of course, this reply only works if the person asking has NOT in fact, cured any cancers. In any case, I’m on a campaign to normalize asking “Where can I find your work?” instead. This is also a great opportunity to share books written by friends and fellow RMFW members.

7. “You’re writing a book? I wrote a book.” You will then be told why writing a single chapter of Mutual Funds for Dummies is the same as crafting an entire epic fantasy world. Exactly the same.

6. “Keep writing!” I’ve ranted about this one before, I know. The sentiment is well-intentioned. Yet somehow it sounds patronizing if you respond with “And you keep practicing law/medicine/investment banking.” We aren’t trying to be writers; if we write, we are writers. We might have varying degrees of commercial success at times, which most often has more to do with the market than anything we do. I believe “keep writing” belongs to the world of extracurriculars and hobbies, which is fine. But telling a professional or passionate writer to keep writing is like telling her to keep breathing.

5. “I read a book just like that!” Even other writers say this sometimes. Don’t let it send you straight to the trash can icon. Add the title to your list of possible comps instead. Of course you’ll want to read it first, or ask someone else who has. Chances are the book in question is not as similar to yours as you might fear.

4. Or the opposite: “You should read . . . fill in with a forty-year-old book that has no relevance to anything you’re writing.”

3. “I don’t read horror/sci-fi/poetry/romance/fiction.” Best response to this one is probably “I’m sorry, you’re really missing out.”

2. If you’re lucky enough to spend your holidays and life surrounded by fellow creatives, you might hear supportive questions like “Where do you get your ideas?” If you’re even luckier, someone might offer to watch your kids/pets/in-laws for an afternoon over break so you can work.

1. In case no one else tells you, making stories is important. Sharing stories is as vital to human health and progress as medicine, law or commerce. (I’d say more vital, but I’m clearly biased.) Gift yourself with encouraging words from people who understand and value your work. I’ll start with a quote from Jesmyn Ward’s little gem of inspiration, Navigate Your Stars.

” . . . if you are bewildered and clinging tenaciously to some course you love, be patient. Work hard. Hold your dream tightly to you, and do everything you can to realize it within reason. Take a step that will lead you toward the realization of your dream, and then take another, and another, and another.”